Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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