aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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