Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that's an acceptable place to lick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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