i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
