And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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