she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
