then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
