you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
