seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
