So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
