I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
