then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize