My cat gives me a boner
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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