They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
