i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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