How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
