I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
