Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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