it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
