The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
