They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize