he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
