oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize