My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
