The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
40s are totally the cure
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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