Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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