You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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