if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
