Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
