Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
