DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
