i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
