That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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