That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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