Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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