He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
