i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
