if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
