I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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