You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
