He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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