i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
