Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
