I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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