I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize