I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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