Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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