We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
