If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
