He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
