And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
