I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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