Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
