If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
