I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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