I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
