They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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