It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
