oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
