i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
