we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
