I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
