she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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