the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The best revenge is premature balding
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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